Ten Things for Ten Percent (and Three for Three Setbacks)

A couple of weeks ago, I reached my goal of losing 10% of my total body weight. Over all, the process has been really positive. I’ve made a loss most weeks and even when I haven’t made a loss, I’ve been able to keep going, a feat that has always eluded me in the past. In honor of each percent lost, I give you something that this process has done or is doing for me. A top ten, if you will.

1. I fit into my clothes better.

Yeah, I know that this one seems obvious, but it’s more than just the size and shape. Suddenly, pants (pants that fit before, I might add) don’t ride up as much. When I sit down, there’s less of the not-so-elusive muffin top poofing out, making me less self-conscious when I’m sitting down to chat with friends.

2. I’m enjoying food more and eating more full-fat products.

WHAT?! Eating more full-fat products? How is that even possible?! I can hear the groans of incredulity coming from the peanut gallery, but it is absolutely true. In previous journeys with weight loss, I became married to processed butter sprays and anything that could guarantee I could eat more with less impact on my weight. Well, clearly that didn’t work, so why would I continue to pursue that path? When I make polenta, I add a teaspoon of real butter for 1 PointsPlus instead of a quarter cup of something that is 0 PointsPlus, but made in a chemistry set. There is something to be said for being able to pronounce all of the ingredients on the container and that something is “mmmmmm”.

3. I affect the health of those around me.

There’s something to be said about the leadership that a woman provides in her household. I’m the one who started Weight Watchers in 2004 (when Lucas and I had only been dating for 6 months), but we both reaped the benefits. He and I both got down to a very healthy weight and stayed there for nearly two years. I got used to getting messages from my man about how many Points he’d used for lunch or that he’d just exercised during his lunch break. Yes, we lost the weight together, but I was the leader of the effort. I was also the leader of the effort when we gained it back. I stopped going to meetings, but I wasn’t the only one to start gaining weight. Even now, I’m the one who goes to meetings and brings back information to the household. If I didn’t, who would?

It doesn’t end there. I get calls from friends about nutritious recipes or ways to cut back. I get questions from the members at the gym about how to be healthier. By getting healthier and putting myself first, I’m helping others to improve their own lives. That makes this all the more worthy a task for me.

4. My skin went from fine, to terrible, to unbelievably fantastic.

I’m serious. During the first few weeks of changing my diet, my skin became an unholy plague of wanton destruction. I swear I looked like every “before” picture ever taken. Then, suddenly, it went away. I’ve always had good skin. I take care of it even when I don’t take care of the rest of me, but now it is even better. It glows. I, a self-appointed makeup guru, sometimes go out without a stitch of makeup by choice instead of lack of time. My husband, a self-appointed makeup hater, has never been happier.

5. I’m more organized.

Okay, I’ll be fair. I’m still not organized enough to get a new blog out every week, but I’m getting there. Every single time I plan a meal schedule and actually stick to it, even if only mostly, I make for my family a more organized life. When I write down what I eat and when, I give myself an idea as to where time is being spent and how to better use my time and money, even to the point of discovering that certain things in my life, while being satisfying in some ways, were not benefiting me as a whole. While I’m on that point…

6. I’ve done a lot of life detoxing. Fun fact: detoxing is not actually a word.

While I fully recognize that quitting my healthy lifestyle before ultimately fell on me, I also realize that there were a lot of other factors in my decision. I allowed myself to get pulled in many different directions by many different things, some of which were toxic to me spiritually. These things made me more likely to say “I’ll get to it later”, the death knell of healthy living. I’ve looked at my life and am learning to let go. Sometimes that means saying “no” to a job that’s not right for me. Sometimes it means hiding a friend on facebook who wears me down without building me up. Heck, I refused to put this blog on facebook for months because I didn’t want my grammar Nazi friends to judge the fact that I like to blog the way I talk, without any regards for grammatical propriety. I’m letting go and allowing myself to do what makes me happy.

7. For the first time in my life, I want to be stronger instead of thinner.

My whole life has been for me a quest to be thin. Sure, I’d say the “real women have curves” bit and the “I’m fine with the way I was built” bit, but, deep down, I really wanted to be thin. I wanted to be the easy size 4 without having to work for it. I was fine with the idea of “skinny fat” as long as “skinny” was there. Now, my mindset is actually changing. I want to continue getting healthier, but I don’t really care if that means getting thinner. I know that will be a likely side effect and I will like it as it happens, but, ultimately, I don’t want to be thinner, I want to be stronger. I want to continue to be able to do more and more with every workout. I want to challenge myself physically and prove to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to.

That said, I still don’t give a crap about running a 10K. Sorry, not on my to do.

8. I’m not afraid of the naked me.

Sorry, close friends of mine who read this blog and are feeling slightly awkward right now, it has to be said. I can look in a mirror in my birthday glory and not feel the least bit ashamed of what I see. I’m proud of the fact that my chest is ample and my rear round. I like that I have strong shoulders and that my arms are starting to get that telltale line just below my triceps. Sure, I could have felt this way about myself 20 pounds ago, but I never took the time to and I should have. In my lived life, I should have taken more time liking me and less time figuring out what I needed to change in order for me to like me.

If I had any money right now, I’d hire a photographer to take shots of me to post to show people that beauty is not about size or shape, but about how you feel about yourself when the shot’s being taken. Of course, I wouldn’t do any nude shots. I’m from a small town in the Deep South. Nude shots would make all the Cracker Barrel paraphernalia shatter off the walls of my Nana’s house. All of her little porcelain angels would weep and I could never return home again. We don’t want that. I would settle for some pictures of me in a classic dress that show off my best assets.

9. I’m seeing the beauty in other people.

You know, it’s a lot easier to judge other people when you’re always looking down on yourself. When I take time to like me, I’m much more likely to notice that a friend of mine’s eyes contrast brilliantly with her hair or that a colleague has really been amping up his workouts. I’m seeing people better because I’m not trying to figure out if they can see the things in me that I don’t like. When you’re not hiding anything, you’re freer to pay attention to the exceptional people in your life.

10. I love my husband (and others) more than I ever thought possible.

Okay, this seems like it might be unrelated, but through this process of loving me more, I’ve opened up even more room for my husband in my heart. Since we’ve been together, I’ve loved Lucas more and more with every passing day, but now, the love has begun growing exponentially faster. By not being burdened with negative thoughts about myself, I’m a better wife to my husband. I’m a better friend. I’m a better daughter. I’m becoming a version of me that is better and is making a difference in those around me.

So, those are my Ten things that this weight loss has done for me, but in my journey towards ten percent, I have a had a few setbacks. Three, to be precise. I gained weight twice and skipped weigh-in and meeting once. In “honor” of my three setbacks, I’d like to give you three things that weight loss has NOT done for me.

1. Losing weight does NOT make me prettier.

Honest to goodness, I am no prettier now than I was 20 pounds ago. Beauty is not in the size I wear, but how I wear the size. If people think I’m prettier now because I’m lighter, it’s either because they see that I’m healthier and happier as a person OR because they’ve bought into the hype that you can only be sexy if you’re built like a prepubescent boy (heroin addict chic, I like to call it). Quite frankly, I have little use for anyone in the latter category.

2. Losing weight does NOT make other people any more tactful.

I think that anyone who is in the process of losing weight has this hope that everyone will notice what a difference five pounds makes and express that notice in the most eloquent way possible. Most people fall into three categories. Some truly do not notice because they have no skills in the observation department. For example, I was discussing something about clothing with someone where I said that things weren’t fitting me because I had lost 20 pounds. His response was to stare at me quizzically and say, “Oh. Have you really?” Some notice and have no tact about it whatsoever, like the woman at my gym who let me know that I looked less bloated. Most, however, do notice that you’ve lost weight and have no idea what to say because they’re terrified that it might send you spiraling into depression.

If you are one of the people in the above column, the safest way to complement someone on their weight loss is in one simple phrase:

“Hey, you look fantastic.”

That’s all you need to say. No muss, no fuss. If they want to discuss it further, they will at this juncture.

And my third thing that weight loss will NOT do is…

3. Losing weight does NOT mean that the voices in my head have gone away.

No matter how much weight I lose, there’s always a voice that will tell me that I’m not good enough…but only if I let it. It’s when I’m on the right track in my life that I become most vulnerable to nagging doubts and fears. That’s the point in time where I must be most mindful to think positive thoughts about myself, to say thank you to compliments instead of self-deprecating, and to believe that I deserve good things. I have to tell myself that nobody who is worthy of my friendship has ever thought less of me because I wasn’t skinny. It’s not the food that’s tripped me up in the past, it’s the mindset.

Well, that’s about all the time I have (and way too many words in my wake). I’ve got designs on a low-point mango panna cotta experiment for this afternoon and that gelatin isn’t going set itself. So, until next time, whether it’s me or someone else reading this blog, be kind to yourself and think good thoughts. The better part of the journey is always in the next step.