I work at a gym for women and I cannot stress enough how interesting and unique my days are. On any given day, I learn the proper ways to cook various foods, the wedding betrayals made by old friends, how to knit socks by the pair on 40 inch circular needles, and a variety of other sundry things. More than anything else, though, I hear about how little these women do for themselves on a day to day basis while being expected to do everything for everybody else.
I’ll give you an example.
One of my women only gets to the club about once a week and is thinking about quitting. Not because of laziness or lack of will, but because she is too busy. She has two kids who are school aged, one of whom is just shy of having her learners. They both play sports and participate in various other activities after school. Her husband has a full time job and is a member of the deacon board at their church. I know all this because when I asked her what she had that was hers, she began listing everything that everyone else in her household did that she makes happen. She chauffeurs, cheers in the stands, volunteers as a parent advisor/concessions worker/poster maker for most of what the kids do, and manages to get supper on the table most nights of the week, even if it’s just a “grab and go” sort of night.
Her family has all these different activities, but she’s the one without any time.
I sat down with her and talked about how she could make her schedule work with exercising. Her husband gets home at 5:30 and they live 5-7 minutes away from the gym. I recommended that he could take care of the kids’ needs from 5:30-6:15 while she runs here to get her 30 minutes in for three days a week.
Impossible. Why?
Her: “He’s been at work all day and is exhausted. He works full time.”
Me: “What time do you get up in the morning?”
Her: “5:30, to get the kids up and ready for school.”
Me: “And your husband?”
Her: “7:30 to be on the road by 8:30.”
Me: “Do you have any time off during the day?”
Her: “No, I’m pretty much taking care of the house and everything else all day. It’s why I can’t get here.”
If that sounds familiar to you, guess what, sweetie. You work full time, too. The only difference is that you don’t get paid for it and feel guilty because of it. We all feel guilty when we take care of ourselves first, often leading us to not take care of ourselves at all. The consequence of this is that we end up not taking care of anyone to the best of our abilities. I have personal experience in this department.
Growing up, I was the kid with the crazy schedule. Monday/Tuesday/Thursday rehearsals, Wednesday night church, Friday ballgames, Saturday show choir performances, Sunday church activities… Mom was toting me around everywhere while still working a full time job, the whole time neglecting herself for the benefit of my becoming well-rounded. The truth is, however, that I didn’t need all of those things at all much less at the expense of my mother’s health and well being. I would have gladly given some of it up so that she could have taken time for herself. If you’re a person who has kids, I’ll bet they’d say the same thing.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that taking care of yourself should not be something you only do when the timing is right. Sometimes, it’s a matter of telling someone “no”. Other times, it’s about letting your child fail at something now so they can win at something else later. Perhaps, more often than not, it’s about asking for help from those around you. If you wait for perfect timing, you’ll never get around to taking that walk, lifting that weight, or feeling the strength of your body begin comparing with the strength of your spirit. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. In the past two years, I’ve been laid off twice, performed in several shows, hosted multiple dinners, and assisted in fundraisers. Right now, I’m rehearsing one show, performing in another, called back for a third, teaching workshops at a local high school, writing a book about my family history for my grandmother’s 75th birthday, renovating our old home for new renters, working at the gym, applying for a job with a very long interview process…
…and that’s just this month.
On paper, I simply do not have time for me or anyone else. Therefore, I have had to make time. If I can make time for a healthier version of me, than anybody can.
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