Some days should inherently be good. Good things happen. Heck, maybe even joyous things happen and that day should be inherently good. But it isn’t. Your mind tells you, “BE HAPPY!!”
But you can’t. For me, today is one of those days…
It started out well. I woke up this morning early enough to have a conversation with my husband, a rare treat in my household. I did a little cleaning. I had a long, delightful conversation with my mom. I went to my weigh-in and was down 3 pounds, the most I’ve ever lost in one week in the history of ever. I went to choir practice and was welcomed by a group of people who praised my abilities. One of my best friends received a high honor today that she deserved. This is a textbook good day.
But I’m not happy.
I feel guilty, under the circumstances, for not being happy and for how it affects me. I want to call my friend and tell her congratulations and that I’m happy for her, but I can’t. I can’t be happy for her because, right now, I can’t be happy at all. I send a text message instead. It’s amazingly frustrating, particularly because I know that either tomorrow or the next day, I’ll be absolutely filled with joy for her.
But today, I am emotionally impotent and it frustrates the hell out of me.
Currently, the only solace that I take from this is that when I look back at this day, I can say that my happiness is not completely tied to whether or not the scale shifts down. If I can be sad on a day where I lose, I can be happy on a day when the scale isn’t to my liking.
And at least that’s something.
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